Nolan Martin :
Hey, everyone! Thanks for joining us on the NEGOTIATEx podcast. We are continuing our conversation with speaker and coach Coleen Gose. If you haven’t already checked out part A of the show, be sure to do that first. Let’s jump in the conversation with Coleen.
Aram Donigian:
Coleen, how much of what you say then in terms of what you just articulated with the HEART model, how much of that starts or exists with me inside. Stuff, I’ve got to kind of work on here before I can ever get to the me and you sort of connection. Does that make sense?
Navigating Biases In Professional Relationships [01:18]
Coolen Gose:
Yeah, but I do my presentations. Not only do I talk about the HEART framework in general, but I also talk about our biases, you know, we all have biases. Now they could be unconscious and I have my own biases as well.
Sometimes our biases lead us to form those judgments about people. You know, before we even have a chance to truly understand them, we form our judgments, our biases come into play. And then that impacts the way we work with that person or the way we react with that person or interact with that person.
So you’re really putting our biases to the side as much as possible. So I talk a lot about how do we recognize what they are? You know, what work do we need to do to truly recognize what those biases are and those judgments are ahead of time? So that when we meet people and start those relationships, it becomes more of a habit to come from a place of curiosity than it does from judgment.
So it’s really understanding, being open minded, being accepting. And when you do that, you really learn a lot about people and learn a lot about why they think the way they do. And it’s really amazing. Those connections that you can form from that perspective.
NM:
You mentioned being open and open minded. How does open and transparent communication promote ownership and accountability in a team? What are some effective ways to build a cohesive team culture?
Creating A Culture Of Openness: The Power Of Safe Spaces In Team Dynamics [02:34]
CG:
When you have open and honest communication, people then can be comfortable. What you do essentially is you develop a safe space. You know, if people feel that they can come to you or come to the team with their concerns, they can come to the team with their opinions.
And again, there’s opinions might be very different from everybody else’s, but you’re given the opportunity to state them. So it’s giving that safe space. I think when I work with teams as a first and foremost is like, how do we develop the safe space that people can come to the table and feel comfortable in sharing their opinions and sharing their perspectives?
Because when you can come from that place of. When you can have that safe space, that’s where innovation comes from. You know, out of the box thinking comes when people think that they can, you know, state their opinions. And even though it may not be popular or it may not be resonated, those opinions or those thoughts can then trigger other thoughts.
And that’s really where brainstorming and innovation comes from. So I work with teams to say, you know, and then we all hear this, of course, but no idea is stupid. But how do we develop the team first? And so working with teams to say, how do we get to know each other first and foremost, because people think, yeah, I know you.
Yeah. I know you, but coming from that place of openness, you know, let’s understand first and foremost, what our judgments are, what our biases are, and then, you know, work to be able to, put those aside and then coming from a place of openness to say we’re a team. We have the same marching orders, if you will.
We’ve got the same goals that we need to do. We need to fulfill. How do we work together to fulfill these goals? Because when you start working together as a team and people feel this is a safe space, I am being supported. I am not an island out here by myself. Then they’re going to start opening and working together. And when you see teams have thrived that way. Those are the teams that are the most successful.
AD:
Do you have an example that you could share with us of a team that was really struggling and then you were able to come in, maybe do some work with them and get them to kind of get open? Get a little more creative, get a little safe space here for people to kind of show up a little more authentically. And because of that, they were able to achieve a little more success.
Cultivating Respect And Openness In Multigenerational Teams [04:45]
CG:
Yeah, absolutely. So I’ve worked with many teams actually, but when I think the one that comes to mind is I’ve worked with teams that are having conflict in some respect, their communication is poor and the managers really weren’t sure what to do about it.
How do we get these people to work together and how do we get them not necessarily always agree, but at least come to some kind of consensus. So when I came in, I really wanted to understand from their perspective, what were some of those issues? And it really boiled down to at the end of the day, because this was a, like you’ll find in a lot of companies, different generations working on the same team and everyone brings their own perspectives, their own lifestyle, what have you that come into play.
And what happens is when people will have their own, again, biases, their own thought about not only, you know, the person, but their generation, like, oh, you’re a millennial, so you think this way, or you’re a baby boomer, so you’re very structured. We all have our biases and even our stereotypes for that matter.
So when I worked with them, it really was understanding where is the conflict coming from? Why are they having issues with communication? And really sitting down with them and working through it with them and really hearing what they were saying, and really came down to the fact that it was really based on generational issues.
They had a lot of stereotyping and biases. Oh, well, you’re a baby boomer, you think this way? You know, I’m a millennial, so we think very differently. So therefore there was a lot of conflict. I’m not listening to you because I don’t respect you. So the respect came up as an issue.
You know, how do we build respect on the team? You know, it’s okay to come from different perspectives, but how do we then build that? And so it was really working with them, giving them the tools to have more open discussions and to let them know that conflict’s okay. It’s okay to have conflict, but it’s just a matter of how we resolve the conflict that’s important.
We’re coming from a place of wanting to understand each other, asking questions and really figuring out a way to be able to better communicate with each other. At the end of the day, I would say the first few sessions are kind of rough. People were not willing to really open up and really say what’s going on with themselves.
But as we started to work together and saying it’s okay to be open and honest, you know, this is a safe space. So creating a safe space was really most of the work with them. How do we create that safe space? And then it was then, allowing them to ask questions, allowing people to understand the different perspectives and understanding the fact that we’re all different, we all come from different generations, doesn’t mean that we don’t have similarities and we don’t have goals that we want to follow.
So it took a while, but really building that openness of communication, allowing them to have conflict, but handling conflict in a healthy way was really the empathis of them then starting to work better together.
AD:
When there is conflict present and everybody can see it and it’s causing problems, not that we have the skills to address it, but at least we can recognize, maybe it needs to be addressed.
Are there situations in which everything seems to be good on the surface, but as you get underneath the surface, there’s all this underlying tension that nobody wants to talk about and they’re like conflict. What conflict? We don’t have conflict. And how do you get folks sometimes when they’re like, ignoring it and saying, no, everything’s good here. How do you get them to see that there’s actually room for improvement?
The Power Of Personal Connections In Professional Settings [07:55]
CG:
Well, it’s really asking questions. I said, I come from a place. Okay. I’m, you know, that’s the case is y’all are getting along and everything’s going well, and we start talking about how does this group function, you know, then I started asking a lot of questions.
How do you guys function on a day to day basis? Like when just simple things, like when you come to a meeting, how do you guys communicate with each other at meetings? You know, how do you even start a meeting? Do you just kind of get into the nuts and bolts? Or do you guys, you know, form relationships with each other?
Do you ask each other, Hey, how was your day? How was your weekend? What are you up to? Do you go try to get to know people on a personal level? It’s interesting to find out a lot of teams don’t do that, you know, and it really kind of depends on how the team structure, but some teams, especially in the IT world, they don’t really talk like, Oh, I want to get to know you as a person.
It’s all, we’re on this team. We’ve got to work together. These are our goals, but this is what we’re going to focus on. And this is the task that we have to do. So they’re very focus-driven, which is not a bad thing to be task and focus driven. So when I asked them questions like, how do you guys handle your meetings?
What do you guys talk about initially? You know, and they’ll talk to me all. We’re just going to focus on our issues, focus on this. Then we’ll talk about, you know, so and so really well, you know, I’ll always ask them, tell me something about the person sitting next to you. You know, what is a trait of theirs that you know, because trying to get them to get to know each other and it’d be so amazing to see that they don’t even know each other.
Oh, I’ve known so and so for three years. We’ve been on the same team before, but I don’t even know where he lives. I have no idea what his interests are. I don’t know what he’s like as a person. So it’s really getting them to know each other as people. Because when you get to know each other as people, then your whole dynamic of how you communicate just changes dramatically.
You go from just talking about the nuts and bolts of a job, or a function, or a task, to understanding that person. Like, what is this person going through? You know, are they having a hard day? You know, are they having a hard life? You know, how can I support them, which in turn not only helps to support them as a person, but helps to support them as part of the team.
And when you see people start having more of a personal approach, then the whole team dynamic just starts to change. It’s just amazing.
AD:
Yeah, it’s interesting. It’s such an indicator of culture. This network of conversations we can look at. Culturally, how we process things or how we go about and do things, as you said, like how do we function? And that becomes such an indicator of the connectedness between us.
You spoke about the intergenerational workforce and some of the challenges that come from that. We have a very diverse workforce, at least here in the United States. What other challenges do you see that kind of come out from that robust diversity and how are you advising leaders to better guide and direct their teams?
Generational Differences and Their Impact on Workplace Dynamics [10:36]
CG:
Well, it’s interesting because what happens a lot in that it’s really how people are seeing those issues and what I mean by that is, you know, in talking with teams and talking with even HR professionals in their organizations to understand, are you experiencing a lot of generational issues? And when I talk about generational issues, they’re like, well, not really, you know, then I’ll ask them, well, what are the issues that you’re experiencing in your workforce?
And they’ll talk about, you know, communication is the big issue. People not communicating well, you know, that leads to then deadlines not being met, all that kind of stuff. But then when you do a deeper dive, you understand that a lot of those issues are really caused because they’re not understanding the different generations.
It’s really generational. The root cause of it is generational, but when they look at the issue, you know, communication being an issue, people not being heard promotions, not being given, you know, all that kind of stuff, work life balance, not being supported, you know, those are issues that people are seeing in their organizations.
But when you do a deeper dive, you understand that the root cause of those problems may be generational. Maybe those differences in the generations, not understanding each other, the way they manage people, you know, people being open to managing different generations differently, you know, not looking at them being, you know, lazy or putting labels on people.
It’s just a matter of understanding what are those people looking for in the workplace? You know, what drives them, what motivates them? And it may be different from what motivates me but that doesn’t make it wrong. It just makes it understanding different perspectives. So when you can understand what drives people and motivates people, then you can help build better teams and better work environments and better cultures.
NM:
I’d love to dig deeper on this. You know, managers have a significant impact on employees performance. Can you tell us more about why you believe every manager needs to understand that their employees deserve the room to grow, unjudged, take risks and find the best version of themselves?
Empowering Teams Through Risk-Taking And Authentic Leadership [12:33]
CG:
So when managers really look for people to grow, when you think about the fact when, as a manager, and I think for most managers out there, the end result is you really want to have the best team possible.
We all, as managers, want to be able to build good teams. We want to be able to help people succeed and grow. And when people in your teams truly feel that and believe that, because you’ve set up a way to make people feel heard. You’re really asking questions about what do people want out of their careers.
You’re really taking a vested interest in someone’s career development. People hear that and feel like you’re building an environment that people are being heard and it’s a safe space for that. And then also you’re allowing people to take risks, you know. A lot of times, and I think about my own career, I had some managers who were very risk averse.
So even though if I wanted to do something differently that was out of the box, they would go, no, no, no. doesn’t fit into our realm or what have you, can’t take those risks. But then when you have managers that say, okay, wait a minute, let’s take a step back and let’s allow you to do that. Take the risk, do what you want to do fast, what I would call fast fail.
So allows you to fail. So you try something, it doesn’t work. Okay, then we move forward. What did we learn from that? And then we can move forward and take that learnings into, you know, another type of scenario. Then you allow people to then grow from that. They go, Oh, I’ve learned from my mistakes now. I could put those learnings into something different and then succeed.
When you allow people to do that, you allow them to not only grow in their jobs or grow as people. You know, we all need to be allowed to take risks, not only in our professional lives, but in our personal lives as well, because when we can do that, not only does it build your confidence, but it allows you to see other perspectives and allows you to do a better job.
I think not only in your professional life, but in your personal life as well. So when I think back in my own career and even my career as a manager, when I allowed people to do that, allow them to grow, allow them to fail, if they take a risk and fail if necessary, but learn from that, that’s the most important factor. But also let them to grow, authentically, because I think when you can bring your authentic self to work, when you can come with all of your bells and whistles and failures and what have you, it just brings a better perspective to a team.
Then, you know, people can not only relate to you, but they can understand your perspectives and it allows everybody else to bring their true self to the table.
AD:
Yeah. So much of what you share, obviously comes from your own experiences and having faced challenges and, you know, overcome and found opportunities. You encapsulate some of this in your book, a woman’s journey of a lifetime thriving through the transitions of life. Could you share some of the highlights from your book to include, like, what are the key things you really hope readers take away from reading it?
Overcoming The Past To Embrace A Promising Future [15:23]
CG:
What I really hope people take away is the fact of not allowing your past to dominate your future, first and foremost. When I shared my story, my own journey, my own experiences as a domestic violence survivor, you know, my experiences in my relationship, how that really allowed me to grow. Allowed me to see a better version of myself, really.
So I had, it came from a place of working with an empty slate, if you will. But I really wanted the book to resonate with women who were in those struggles as well. Because I think there are a lot of women out there who are professionals. They’re, you know, thriving in their careers, hopefully. Or they’re working in their careers.
But they’re also struggling in their personal path. And they’re not talking about it for the most part because they’re trying to put on this persona that I’m this professional and I, you know, have this responsibility. So they’re doing their job, which is great, but they’re also, but they’re struggling in their lives because of their past.
So the book really talks about how do we overcome those hurdles. How do we overcome some of those transitions, if you want to call it? How do we grow from those transitions? How do we then take our learnings and our experiences and not only help ourselves, but help others? You know, I talk a lot about how do we help other women, other people who are struggling?
How do we lift them up as well? And then just really giving a lot of information and insight as we grow as women, not only in personality and experience, but in age, what can we expect to see that? How does that enable us to be more productive perhaps? How does aging also happen in our lives? And how do we look at that as not only something to be revered, but it’s something to look forward to.
Cause I think a lot of us are afraid of growing older and what that experience is of that. But I talk a lot in my book about aging is just a number, age is just a number, but how do we take care of ourselves so that we can be the best version of ourselves later in life as well.
AD:
As two men talking to you on this issue around domestic violence, how would you advise us to be not only allies to women colleagues who have potentially experienced domestic violence or other trauma, so not only be allies, but actually be advocates and strong partners?
Fostering Support And Understanding: Allyship In Addressing Domestic Violence [17:40]
CG:
I think it’s just really to be open with women, to show them that you are their allies and, and really come from a place of wanting to help and understand. Like I talked about before, I think a lot of times people, even if you may see the signs that someone is struggling in their relationship somehow, or there are other signs of triggers that maybe they have that, you know, maybe related to having a violent or difficult situation.
It’s really being there to be a sounding board, you know, really to be there to listen, I think, and to be able to understand because I think a lot of times people are afraid to talk about it because it’s tough, right? And it’s very personal. And I think domestic violence victims feel that they’re being judged if they open up about their situation that they’ll be judged, especially in the work environment, especially if you’re a professional woman who has a lot of responsibility.
People are going to judge you. Well, geez, you know, why are you having these issues in your personal life, not understanding the whole story, you know, not understanding why you’re there and what got you there to begin with. And then coming from a place of support. So I think as men, as you mentioned, in that work environment, it’s just really being sensitive to what’s happening and being able to be a sounding board, being able to be supportive, you know, and if you see someone struggling, ask those questions, like, how can I help you?
And build those relationships so that people don’t always feel that they’re alone. I think a lot of people who go through domestic violence feels sheltered, not sheltered but they feel isolated. They don’t have anybody that they can talk to, perhaps, especially a man, you know, opening yourself up to talking with another man is really challenging.
But if that person, I remember in my own experiences, I had male friends who were very supportive, because they were just really great people. They wanted to be there for me as a friend. And those relationships also helped me during my healing journey as well.
AD:
Thanks, Coleen. Thank you.
NM:
If you were to go back in time to a younger you, just beginning their professional career, What is the single piece of advice you’d give yourself?
Embracing Courage: Encouraging Bold Choices For Personal Growth [19:42]
CG:
God, I’d give myself, wow, that’s a great question. What comes to my mind is just to really be brave. To be brave, to be, you know, be bold, be brave. Take those risks, you know, not be afraid to take chances in life. If a door opens and you’re truly not certain about where that door is going to lead, take it.
Take a chance, you know, go through the door, you know, see what happens, you know, because you may be so, even though the experience may not be the best experience, maybe it’s not what you expect it to be, but take the learnings from those experiences because every time you take a chance, you’ve learned from it.
Take those learning experiences and just move forward. That’s what I would say to my younger self if I had that opportunity.
AD:
That’s great advice. As we get ready to wrap up today, we recognize there’s so much more we could probably ask you. What haven’t we asked you that you’d really like to ensure kind of leaving with our listeners as a takeaway from your time on our program?
The Power Of Support: Building Meaningful Connections In the Workplace [20:43]
CG:
Well, I mean, we’ve gone through a lot, which has been a great conversation. So I appreciate it. Thank you for that. I think what comes to mind is just, you know, telling people that it’s okay to create a safe space for people. You know, work environments are just that. Yes, they’re professional, but they also, we all need to connect on a personal level, no matter where we are, especially in the work environment.
We all need support when things are tough, when things are changing and change is constant, especially in the professional environment. How do we, they’re to support each other. I think for, if I had anything to say, One lasting message to tell people is just truly create a supportive environment for the people you work with and for yourself, because that allows you to handle change.
It allows you to handle difficult situations, but also allows you to thrive on a team in your professional environment. It allows you to truly thrive.
AD:
Well, thank you for that. I think that for many of our listeners who manage external relationships, they’ll say, I do that well. But maybe I don’t manage the internal connections between members of my team or internal parties. And that’s a place where I need to focus more going forward.
CG:
Yeah, absolutely.
NM:
Well, Coleen, let me be the first to say thank you so much for joining us on today’s podcast. And I’m going to turn it over to Aram for closing thoughts.
AD:
Yeah, Coleen. Thank you so much. There’s just so much there. I think we just all need to take a closer look and focus on those connections between members of our team and recognizing there’s a story that our team members have and we need to really get curious about that and not, as you said, not jump to conclusions or assumptions about something that’s going on that’s not as clear to us.
And we may just need to pause for that split second and be open to maybe there’s something else going on. So thank you for your time today. Thank you for the work you’re doing. Please stay in contact with us going forward.
CG:
I will. Thank you so much for your time. And if there’s any questions that come up, please feel free and I look forward to hearing this as well. So thank you again for this opportunity.
NM:
Well, that is it for us on today’s podcast. If you haven’t already, please rate, review, and subscribe to the NEGOTIATEx podcast, and we’ll see you in the next episode.
